Slowly making some progress

The last month has been pretty special. RelUnrelated lost his job. Because they're trying to save money, yet continue to throw money into inept work being done by contractors. Kind of like when they had the lobby repainted... and they painted over the wallpaper. Which bubbled and sagged and looks like shit. And is going to have to be redone because of the various other issues that were not taken care of properly. These people have no idea what they're doing and hired "property managers" that knew even less. But that's not the only highlight.

In the past two weeks we drove my father, who I had to push around in a wheelchair part of the time to another state after some really nasty problems with medications and being snowed in where one of his doctors are located due to the nasty weather. There were 18 inches of snow in a day in a half so they weren't going anywhere. And he was tripping balls the entire time, but the docs didn't seem to think it was the meds. *facepalm* My mom called me up the day before they needed to go because that's what the doctor's office did. Which meant we had to be up at 3:30 AM to drive them to another state. It took all fucking day and they found out he's still anemic and they don't know why. Which is why we went all the way over there in the first place. They told him to take iron. Which is what I had told him 2 weeks earlier. And that his testosterone levels are very, very low. That may have been more helpful in the past. He wouldn't have had so many damn kids. Then again, who would drive him places and take him fishing? They shipped him home after saying they really needed to have him come back and get a full-body CAT scan. It was urgent. So the doctor's office called yesterday and said his appointment is in May. It was that urgent. 

Also, we got a call from the hospital in yet another state, but oddly closer to my parent's house, that RelUnrelated was to report there for his first appointment at the cancer center, to prepare for the stem cell transplants. Which is good. And about damn time. If only we knew anything else about the assistance we're trying to get. But, he has a phone interview with SS on Friday morning and has to call the state to find out what paperwork they need from him, since they sent him a letter, with a list, but neglected to tell him how far back they need check stubs for. We could have that all together, you know, if they could have put that on the list of documentation that they needed from us. It would be too much to make anything easy, wouldn't it?

So, we'll possibly know something more on March 3rd. At least we'll know what they docs down at the cancer center have to say about the transplants and perhaps they can prod the slow ass state in the proper direction. He fits all criteria for disability and did so last May, but he continued to work through chemo and everything else. Thankfully the hospital and cancer center here have community help programs that paid for his treatment. We wouldn't be able to pay for it at all otherwise and I would probably be widowed. I am very thankful for the awesome hospital and doctors and nurses and everyone that had a hand in getting RelUnrelated somewhat better, and it was no fault of theirs that the chemo wasn't as effective as we hoped it was. It was the fact that over time, the cancer cells adapt to the chemo and it's not as effective. Hopefully, the stem cell transplants will finally whip the fucker and we can do the routine check ups and not ever have to worry about it again. 

More when we hear more. Hopefully it will be good news.

Nothing new

We still haven't heard anything more about the medical help we're trying to get to continue RelUnrelated's cancer treatment. It's frustrating waiting to hear something, knowing that the masses could start growing again and potentially make him very ill again. We did get the results from his pulmonary tests and they were a bit disappointing. His lung capacity back in May of last year was 97% despite how ill he was. It is now at 75% due to the chemotherapy. This explains his shortness of breath going up a flight of stairs. He can never have that form of medication again, the oncologist has already stated that. I'm hoping that we will hear something soon. It may be my imagination, but the node on his neck that had gotten so large appears to be making an appearance again, at least to me. It's probably because I'm worrying about it. 

We did get some good news though, his oldest daughter is planning her wedding for March, so that is good news. I'm hoping that we will be able to attend without him being sick. I probably don't say it enough, but both of his daughters are awesome and the best anyone could ask for. I try to let them know that too. I'm glad that I can be a part of their father's life and theirs, no matter how small a part it is. Hopefully we get some more good news, and the sooner the better. Cancer is a very tiring thing. 

My body is not ready.

Holy FUCK is that a tease! I'm not ready for this. I don't know the story or what the hell it's even about. All I know is that Yoshitaka Amano is making a fucking full length fucking movie of awesome. That is all. My body is not ready at all for the awesome that is the art of Amano. Fuck.

This is your argument? Really?

I always find it amusing when Christians claim that they are being discriminated against in the US for their religion. Big bad atheists are oppressing them. Really? What this usually amounts to is the usual panty bunching manufactured controversy of 'The War on Christmas'. Sorry guys, you don't own any one time of the year and you aren't the only one who has a holiday in December. A quick look at Wikipedia under December observances bears this out. There is a list of 84 different holidays and observances on that page alone. They are as random as ethnicity in the US. Under the 'I' heading I see only one observance that has anything to do with Christianity at all. That would be 'Immaculate Conception' and is a Catholic observance. The other 9 observances are not remotely religious. I'm pretty sure 'International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers' is not celebrated in many churches in any capacity. I don't hear those 'of the faith' railing against that however.

I hear whining. Lots and lots of whining if everyone is not subjected to sugary saccharine carols and hymns as they pick up a package of toilet paper or pick up a cup of coffee. I hate Christmas music. I loathe it. I loathe it because I was in band and chorus in school. You know what you start doing in October? Learning fucking new Christmas songs for your winter concert before break. For that alone I hate them with a passion. And it wasn't just concert band pieces that had to be learned once one was in high school. No. It was also the memorization of music, usually one or two pieces that you had to play, daily, while you practiced marching for a parade. I do feel terribly sorry for people who work retail and have to listen to canned carols and faux happy seasonal music. And my hatred for this isn't based on religion. It's based on the same reason I can't stand pop and country music. It gets on my fucking nerves. Plain and simple. 

And if you happen upon a retailer that isn't festooned with green and red lights and fake snow and reindeer and Santas, you're probably going to be hearing from the likes of Bill 'Whiny Lil Bitch' O'Reilly or The American Family Association. They're on one hand calling the 'reason for the season' Jesus, and bitching because retailers trying to feed into that other religion of greed aren't pushing the Jesus juice on everyone. Because they say Happy Holidays. Or X-mas. If Jesus was the reason why are you worrying about stores and consumerism at all? Shouldn't you be out doing good works or praising Jesus instead of worrying about who is spending money where people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas? I don't remember the part in the bible where you are expressly forbidden to purchase from vendors that don't say Merry Christmas. 

And it seems like a week doesn't go by without someone throwing a tizzy about some new advertisement that an Atheist group has raised money for and put on either the side of a bus or on a billboard. Texas seems to have said fuck it recently when some of their citizens in Forth Worth made national attention when some Christians threw a fit about some ads on a bus and banned religious and atheist advertising on their buses. Or another silly study focused on stirring the pot more about this nonsense about Christmas trees. Of course Mr. Mouthpiece for All Catholics (so he'd like to think) Bill Donohue has to have his two cents worth and pretty much tells everyone to STFU and assimilate to the Catholic hivemind that he represents.
 


I could give two shits less of what Mr. Donohue thinks and think he's a douchenozzle of the highest order. He's almost as classy as the fellow that prompted me to write this little rant of annoyance. Tom Sears has a bi-weekly column in the Daily Star the local paper for Oneonta, NY. He's a professor of accounting and has a dislike for Atheists. His most recent column points to this. Now I don't know what evil Atheist pissed in his cornflakes, but he's mad. So mad that he's pulling numbers out of his ass and lambasting the heathens because they opened their mouths and put up one of those offending billboards. 

Because Atheists are speaking out more than we once did we are "pathetic" in his words. And anytime an Atheist speaks up it's an attempt to put down Christianity. I wonder if Mr. Sears realizes that Christianity isn't the only religion in the US, let alone the world. And some of those other religions might like a word with him. And for those Atheists that are in the closet, you're pathetic too. Pretending to be Christian so you aren't ostracized by your loved ones and friends that may have a problem with your non-theism. You probably should feel deep shame for being so pathetic. That appears to be what Mr. Sears is saying here.

"Why are atheists so afraid of Christianity that they feel they have to go out and aggressively attack it every year around this time? Why don't you instead proudly proclaim your "atheistic religion" and explain all the reasons and research that led you to your stance. Maybe you can't? Maybe your choice was made out of laziness and you didn't even give religion a chance? Are you going to give your children the right to choose? "

I'm an Atheist. I'm not afraid of any religious institution. They are equally irrelevant in my eyes. Aggressive attacks? I'm sorry, you haven't seen aggressive attacks by Atheists. It's a fucking billboard. If you don't like it, buy your own and put your own message up. There is a reason that these billboards are going up. Atheists are a minority in this country and most countries as you so smugly pointed out. Who cares about minorities, right? Stay quiet and stay silent. 

Why don't "we proudly proclaim our atheistic religion"? Well, for starters, atheism isn't a religion. It's a lack of belief. So that kind of rules out us claiming something we don't believe in. That's just silly nonsense on your part Mr. Sears. And calling us a pathetic minority that dooms us to irrelevance doesn't really invite us to speak our minds at all, now does it?

The reasons for us being Atheists? Well Mr. Sears, I find religion to be a quaint little fairy tail that isn't needed by society to make it moral or productive. My family did not feel the need to indoctrinate me in such ancient goat herding mythologies. My mother is Catholic but never once forced us to go to any church, let alone spoke about it in my entire 18 years living under their roof. Nor does she bring it up now. The only time she did, she said, "You make your own choice". Because it's irrelevant to our relationship as parent and child. As for my choice being made out of laziness, I would call you a liar Mr. Sears. I have a great love for myths and legends and always have. They are stories however and explanations by people who didn't always understand natural phenomena. Just like any other story though, I can put those stories back on the shelves with other books and get on with my life without feeling unnecessary guilt and being oppressed for being myself. And as for children, I don't have any. I don't want any. Thank you for asking.

I would ask you the same thing Mr. Sears. What is your reason for aggressively attacking me for a lack of belief? Why don't you explain all your reasons for believing your "paternalistic, anti-woman, anti-gay religion" and the research that led you to that stance? Maybe you can't. Maybe your choice was made out of laziness because that's just how you were raised. Maybe you haven't given non-belief a chance. Are you going to give your children the right to chose?

"Tell you what; why don't you pick a day, any day, call it Atheist Day, and spend the day celebrating your atheism. Get yourself an atheist tree, exchange atheist gifts and have a great atheist meal. Call all the other atheists you know (won't take long) or send them a card and exchange happy atheist wishes."

You're such a clever and mature fella aren't you? I don't need an Atheist day to celebrate anything with my family and friends. I don't need to feed the consumerism that makes people grow even more debt that they have no way of paying down by passing out expensive gifts to my friends and family in hopes that they reciprocate with expensive gifts to me. Could you remind me what exactly giving expensive gifts and haranguing retailers has to do with your whole 'reason for the season'? Because I surely have no idea what this is supposed to represent. And as to having a nice meal with my family, I don't need to have a special day of the year for that. I can do that any time, but mainly we do that on Thanksgiving. You know another one of those days that Atheists need to not show their faces on because really, without a god, what do you have to be thankful for? (Pssst - it's my family dumb ass so I spend that day with them when I'm not working). And quite a few Atheists celebrate solstice with their nonsecular friends or actually go to Christmas parties that their friends and families throw. Just because we give each other a shout out doesn't mean that we're all buzz kills. We like to party like everyone else.

"Since you believe that there is no being more supreme than yourself (a rather egocentric viewpoint), you can celebrate you by staring at yourself (or small groups staring at each other) in the mirror all day. Isn't this a better idea than going around and putting other religions down? At least you are doing something more positive for yourself if you follow my strategy for you."

Talk about egocentric there Mr. Sears, since you seem to know what every Atheist 'believes'. Of course your little comment above has no basis in fact. Atheism is a lack of belief. I know for a fact that I am not some supreme being with no one higher than me. There are many far more intelligent people in this world than little old me and I'm certain that some of them are theists. I have better things to do than stroke my own ego, such as your self masturbatory article paints all Atheists with a wide brush. We don't worship anything, nor do we gaze at our own reflections in awe of our 'superiority'. That's nonsense and I really don't see how anything you can point to could redeem your sad little screed at this point. You've made yourself abundantly clear that you have made up your mind that all Atheists are Christian bashing, egotistical shit stirrers. 

"We Christians are on the Right Side of this issue. Atheists have no real beliefs; they just want to tear down one more longstanding tradition and belief. How can they claim that a baby in a manger, a cross, a Christmas tree or some innocent Christmas songs cause them untold suffering and still keep a straight face? And then they tell the rest of us to be more sensitive to their feelings. Wrong, atheists; you are the ones who need the sensitivity training sessions. Your claims of hurt and pain are bordering on the side of ridiculousness." 

I fail to see where anyone who put up the billboard that sent you into this tizzy said anything about their untold suffering caused by Christmas. I've never in my entire life heard an Atheist make this claim. If you actually believe that, you are a delusional sort of fellow. I have a mild annoyance for the forced 'cheer' at this time of year and I hate the fucking music and the 'buy buy buy!' mania that revs up the week of Thanksgiving. If I have a problem with any part of it, it is that fundamentalist Christians get their panties in a bunch and nearly go into apoplexy if someone doesn't return their 'Merry Christmas'. If I experience any hurt, it's due to the sheer number of facepalms that I put myself through whenever another trite article like this is published.

"Even though I do push back hard against you atheists, I still hope you will rethink your position and change before it's too late. You are making the biggest mistake of your lives by not at least giving religion a serious try. In the meantime I wish you a Merry Christmas and I will be praying for you."

You're not pushing hard. You're being a whiny twat. Your article was full of factual errors and I have nothing to rethink. My opinion on my non-belief would not be swayed by a your sad 'argument' because you didn't put anything forth but whining. Should I call the waaaaaaaahmbulance now or later? I'm making a mistake by not giving religion a try? You really do know nothing about Atheists do you? Most Atheists are former theists. They are no longer theists because they learned more about their holy books and teachings and compared them with what really happens in real life and decided that not basing their life on a silly book seemed like a better idea. And by the way, you're praying for me? Keep whispering to your imaginary friend all you want, it honestly doesn't hurt me either way. But don't try to silence those pesky Atheists for the fact that they speak up. We won't be forced back into the closet any more. And in parting, you can fuck yourself with a rake, sideways. And not because you're Christian, because you sir are an ignorant fucktard.

Damn.

I seem to have missed this one coming out. My nephew and I both had the same comment. I sincerely hope they don't fuck this up because it could be full of awesome. It truly could. I'm going to reserve judgment until I see both movies, but man. I can't wait to see the now after seeing this little bit.

It's beautiful!

Words escape me. This is fucking awesome. I can't wait for this to come out. Now I'm going to have to watch some of the older shows to hold me over for this. Fuck yeah, Go Nagai! At about 2:05 I can't help but laugh. It's funny, sorry.




 

Another Round of Results

RelUnrelated had an appointment this morning to see the results of his PET and CT scans that he had done recently. To put it mildly the doctor isn't happy with the results of the chemotherapy and has decided that he needs to have stem cell (bone marrow) transplants. I'm not happy about this because honestly, this is going to be harder on him than the chemotherapy was. And our safety net is gone. The cancer center we've been going to does not do this. This treatment is very expensive and is something we could never hope to be able to pay for. Unfortunately we may have to see if he can get on Medicaid. Our place of employment does not offer any type of health care whatsoever and I can't even hope to scrape together enough money to pay for premiums on any type of health insurance. I have had to borrow money as it is to pay the bills some months and every time I have had to ask for help it makes me angry at myself. 

So we're back to that some feeling I had back in May when he was admitted to the hospital half dead. And yes, finances were the reason the reason he got as ill as he did. That and stubbornness. In the end I out stubborned him and he went in to the ER and something was finally done. We've hit another stumbling block however and I'm feeling kind of helpless again. This fucking sucks. I hate this feeling. I hate those stupid lymph nodes that didn't "melt" away like the rest of the nodes. 

The options right now are the transplants, which will be done most likely with his own cells, harvested after boosting his system with Granulocyte-colony stimulating factor, which is what he was taking a day after getting his chemotherapy to increase blood cell production and build the system up for another dose of chemotherapy. The cells can be harvested, if they use his own in two ways. They can go into the bones directly, usually the pelvis, and extract bone marrow. He had this done after his first chemotherapy treatment on a small scale to make certain the cancer hadn't spread to his bones. It was done outpatient and in the office. It was also quite painful. I watched the entire procedure. A small incision was made and an instrument, not unlike an ice auger or cork screw was used to get right into the pelvis and to the marrow. The item is a hollow needle and aspirates and bone marrow can be drawn right out of this procedure. It was not pleasant or pain free. The bone is bored into. Hopefully this is not how they choose to collect the cells. Hopefully they use the second method which is to extract the cells from the blood itself. We can only hope. It isn't going to be pleasant. After enough cells are harvested he then has to have very high dose chemotherapy that will basically kill everything. Which is where the transplant comes in. To rebuild his body. 

This is not the only option we have. The other option that the doctor is not happy about, and I understand why she doesn't want to do it, due to the location and the reasons. Localized radiation. The locations kind of make this difficult. One of the places is quite near the heart. You don't want to irradiate your heart. Actually, you don't want to irradiate any part of your body, but especially your heart. It's not safe. And the other location is right under his collarbone. There are two nodes, one quite a bit larger than the other one. Near the esophagus. I can see this being a problematic location as well due to one's ability to eat and what radiation does to a person. The stem cell option is the best option to prolong life. She hinted at this, delicately. And then added that he was young and had plenty of years left in him. She mentioned one hospital in St. Louis and another in Chicago. He's meeting with someone tomorrow about the money side of this whole mess and then to do one of the two pulmonary tests he's got to have on Wednesday. 

Here we go, barreling into the great unknown again. And no, I don't feel like praying or gnashing my teeth at some sky fairy. Please don't offer to pray. Honestly don't. I'm not in the mood for it and I may invite you to become intimate with yourself or jump into a combustion of wood and expire. And no, this isn't some fucking religious trial of some sort. Nor is it a punishment for some failure on his part. This is a failure of cells in a body. It happens and not for any specific reason. It just sucks some major ass that we can't quite breath a sigh of relief yet.