Attention Whoring for Jesus

Way to go Pat Robertson! A trending topic on Twitter. Coverage in the MSM and bloggers giving you several unflattering suggestions. Because you certainly know how to be an attention whore. It's something most holier-than-thou people excel at, but you did quite a number this time.

When was the last time a 'minister' got this much attention that didn't involve abuse, theft or two diving suits, suffocation and a dildo? Probably the last time you made an ass of yourself in public by braying your usual idiocy and showing your lack of knowledge in several subjects, history most of all.

Are you trying to fill the recently vacated gap left behind when Oral Roberts finally kicked the bucket? He was also a trending topic on Twitter that day too, but he had the decency to actually not bother anyone anymore because he croaked. You're a trending topic and have been denounced by several 'mainstream' x-tian groups for your idiocy but we still have you to kick around. I'm certain you'll continue to perform just as well as you have for years. I mean, let's not pretend, you've been an attention whore for Jesus for years. Remember that book James Randi wrote The Faith Healers in 1987? You had a whole chapter devoted to little old you. Remember all those hurricanes you 'steered away'? How'd that work out for you again? Oh, not at all right?

And who could forget when you and old Jerry Falwell got together after September 11th and you agreed that the attacks were caused by "pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the ACLU and People for the American Way." Not that you guys didn't try to play that off. You had a malfunctioning earpiece right? And old Jerry misspoke. It's a bitch getting old isn't it?

And don't forget your interest in gold mining and race horses. Those are purely aesthetics though right? You're not in it for the money at all right?

Oh, and you remember that time you called for the State Department to get nuked? Yeah, good times huh? Or when you said that Hugo Chavez should be assassinated? You remember that? You're not gonna try and pull a Ronnie on us are you? You're not getting dementia right? Dementia patients do say some outlandish things at times. That might explain why you can leg press 2000 pounds. Almost as awesome as when you ran for president and got your ass whipped soundly, isn't it?

You did have some pretty high times though, didn't you. Has it been the fact that you've been slipping into irrelevancy in comparison to the newer, younger, flashier fleecers of the flock that you have to cry out for attention this way? You aren't getting any younger and I guess the attention from your last outburst has faded away again and you really needed a shot of hate.

Don't deny it Pat, you really are getting up there in years and it makes me wonder if this is your 'godly' version of Viagra. Is this how you put some lead in your pencil? It's hard to be a bitter old white man these days isn't it with all those minorities, women and queens getting attention in the news. You'd think an unassuming mainly christian country would be safe from that mouth of yours Pat, especially because of the tragedy that has occurred. That's a little too much to hope for isn't it? And awful christian of you Pat.

But, it was their own fault wasn't it Pat? Because they made a deal with the devil. Oh yes! There it is. The devil is the cause of the earthquake in Haiti. Not a sudden release of energy in the Earth's crust. Nope. Old Scratch himself is the cause of it. You know because the people of Haiti made a deal with the devil in the 1790's to get rid of whitey, or something like that. Pat has an excellent grasp of history, did you know that?

It always goes back to that doesn't it Pat? Demons and devils. And you are quite the comedian when you get started on that. Wait... you want people to take you seriously? Really? I thought you were the funniest right around Halloween when you got into full satanic panic mode when I was younger. I would tune into the 700 Club. For the lulz. Back then you had QUALITY devil and demon stories. That shit was a riot. Looks like things aren't as good as they used to be. You spout off easily refuted nonsense that has no basis in reality. You probably even offended your own sorry followers with that trite nonsense. I love how you always claim that people that don't believe what you do are satanic or as you said back exactly 19 years ago today that some denominations harbor the spirit of the Antichrist. That's what makes you a good attention whore though. You just spout off whatever idiotic, unsupported nonsense come to mind. Hurricane? Gays did it. Terrorist attacks? Lesbian witches and the ACLU. Earthquake in Haiti? 200+ year old pact with Satan. Way to channel Dana Carvey's Church Lady there Pat. It got you the attention you love though Pat, didn't it? We know you won't apologize. You may try to cover it up by saying you misspoke like old Jerry, but we know. Oh we know. You needed your fix. I hope you don't get blue balls again before you give us the next stupidgasm.

For more info on Pat's exploits you can always look at Pat Robertson controversies on Wikipedia.